You Are My Ocean
by TheBlackSheep24
Summary: Beca reflects on her life with the one she loved.


**Hey guys! It's been awhile but I hope you enjoy this -M**

Today is March 6. It has been two years since her death. My name is Beca Mitchell and this is the story of how I loved and lost the best thing that will ever happen to me.

The first time I met her it was raining. When I say raining I mean it was a down poor. She must have been in the parking lot because she almost ran me over running toward the covered areas of campus. I can't tell you what she said to me because I quite frankly I was lost in everything that was her. I gathered from the circumstances she was probably apologizing but all I saw were her eyes. No matter how cheesy you probably think it sounds, everything faded away.

Two months passed before I got the confidence to ask her out. After the first date I knew I was hooked. For better or worse, there would never be a one that came close to the way Chloe made me feel. She would look at me like I was the best thing that she's ever seen. She would do little things to let you know she was there or listening. She'd absent mindedly rub her thumb over the back of my hands. She'd place her hand on the small of my back when I was nervous. I can't even form into coherent sentences that describe the affect she had on me.

Some nights I'd just watch her sleep. I'd turn on my side and just watch her chest rise and fall. She always looked so sweet when she slept. She'd snuggle herself into the sheets and her pillow. Her legs would intertwine with mine in the most perfect way. She was always so peaceful when she slept.

She was my biggest fan. No matter how much my dad doubted my music she was always the one in my corner. She was the one telling me that I can make it. That I am talented. She was the one who called every club in the area bragging about this hot new DJ she happened to know. She was my motivation to be everything I could be.

She made me want to be a better person. She had the biggest heart I've ever known. She never put her needs in front of anyone else's, whether they deserved it or not. She always had a smile and a kind word to say to everyone.

She love the water. We used to drive down to the beach almost every weekend. She said it made her feel insignificant and special at the same time. She said it made her feel insignificant because of how easily the sea could just take her, but she felt special because the person who created something so beautiful as the sea took the time to make her.

It was two years into our relationship when we got the news from the doctor. Chloe had been complaining of not being able to breathe as well as she used to and extreme fatigue. The doctor told us her heart was failing. He told us she would be put on a transplant list but if she didn't receive a new one she'd have a year, two years at the max.

Do you know what Chloe's response to the news was? She said "Well I'm quitting my diet then, Beca were going to a bakery on the way home." Then she laughed. I looked at the doctor. Pleading him to tell me it was some form of a joke, but his sad eyes told me he wasn't kidding.

Six months had passed and Chloe wasn't even close to the top of the transplant list. Her condition was getting worse. Her parents bought her an apartment close to the beach, because that's where she told them she wanted to spend her remaining time. I put off my classes to help her. I took her to all of her appointments and tried my best to keep her happy.

I formed another habit of lying on her chest and listening to her heartbeat. After she'd go to sleep id walk out onto the beach and pray. I'd pray that she'd get better. I'm not even a big believer in religion, I just knew she was and if she believed in it I thought it was worth a try.

I was angry to awhile. Sometimes I'd just cry and let my tears fall onto the sand. I was angry. I was angry because I just didn't understand why. Why does she have to leave when she's the only good thing I've ever had in my life. She was perfect. She was everything good, she was pure, and she was Chloe.

I'd pray that if she couldn't be saved that he'd take me with her. I couldn't imagine a world without her.

She got too weak to walk in the last months of her life. I'd carry her to her chair in the sand every morning and we'd watch the wave's crash against the sand and feed the seagulls. I was trying my hardest to be strong for her, but I was crumbling.

She saw right through my fake smiles. She asked me to lay down beside her on March 6 in the evening. She told me she was slipping away. She told me that her heart wasn't going to make the night. I broke down. The sobs ripped through my body. She held me. She held me! She held me close and told me she had written me a letter because she was scared she'd be too weak to say all she wanted to. She pulled me back and looked into my eyes for the last time. And in those last seconds it was back to when we were care free and hopelessly in love.

I read her letter every morning and night. I sit in her chair every morning and watch the sunrise. I buy fresh tulips every week and place them on her grave. Her grave is at her family plot, but it's just a tombstone. She told me once when we first started dating she wanted to be scattered at sea. She wanted to be taken by the waves. So that's what I did. So every morning when I watch the wave's crash I feel like she's with me.

Today it has been two years since the best woman to ever live passed away. I will read this letter and pray that I join her someday.

_Dear Beca,_

_Before I start this you have to promise me one thing. Don't do anything foolish and visit me anytime soon. I want you to live a full and happy life. I want to watch you grow old and even clumsier if that's' possible. I will be here when it's your time but don't take that into your own hands baby. You're far too special to the world to do that. No matter what I need you to do that for me._

_I want you to read this whenever you have doubts. Beca Mitchell you are the most wonderful, most caring individual I've ever met. And I love you with every fiber of my being. When I get to heaven and people ask how I died, I will tell them it was from loving you too much. I will always be yours Beca. I will always be with you. I wish we had more time together but I consider myself blessed to have gotten what I did. I know you'll accomplish all you ever hoped you would. You are strong Beca. You are titanium._

_I love you. _

_Forever yours, _

_Chloe_


End file.
